This is not probably a relevant post for this blog but 21st November 2013 has marked a strong change in my life and I must share this. A very bold step which I feel very excited about and at the same time inside of me I am shivering like a leaf in the morning rain. It was mainly the question of principles, do I want to follow a herd and do as they say, be a drone or would I prefer to make my own sane decisions and work like a man (or woman). Sleep at night with a satisfaction that I have done a good job, be happy. It is eventually the choices you make that can keep you happy. The end result is to be happy, no matter what you do, what industry you are in. And if I am happy, people around me are happy.
My last day at my current work should have been quite emotional but as I walk through the various floors saying my goodbyes I did not feel heavy at heart for leaving, instead I was more happy, like a teenager venturing out into the real world, leaving behind a course, a phase of my life that had already ended inside of me many months back. I had done my time and life simply moves on. I had stopped learning anything new, stopped thinking for myself, stopped caring, I was becoming a jerk, a zombie, the worker bee….for someone who does not know who or what I am. A speck in the big name who can be replaced easily. I had reached a dead end, I needed to either step back or sideways to find a door or a window to show me the light and move on. I sometimes looked around me from my desk and I see mechanic beings banging away with sober faces waiting for the time to leave and catch the next train home only to return and repeat the same chore day after day. When I started in this department 6 years ago, we took care of certain jobs following certain processes, and looking back now, these are the same issues that are being dealt with on a different day by a different person, nothing really changed. Five years ahead, these very same issues will remain the exact same and will be handled by other people and the journey goes on. I have been stuck in this drama for years in which time the world outside has evolved with new ventures and opportunities I sadly ignored. I have to pass on my chores to someone else now to look after as I go find my own ways to break off this mechanical saga, the vicious cycle that is never ending. My colleagues gathered for speeches and farewells and as I look around I see familiar faces, some happy, some sad, some really surprised, some new faces who’s just there for the cake..lol.. and me reeling in the satisfaction that … Ok, this is it…thanks guys…it was nice to know all of you…keep in touch..the usual. My manager took the time to number crunch (the number of days I have worked) and find some really interesting facts and made me feel like an ancient piece of architecture in the office, I must admit, it has been 10 years and he was trying to prove a point in his own amusing way for a lighter mood. A few good friends were quite spontaneous in their show of words, words which mean a lot to me and will be treasured for long but most people simply wouldn’t understand why or how I could leave a corporate job, I bet they’re thinking…’she’s nuts, leaving a regular income’. A steady income, 8-5 work, yes to the boss at all times, go home and forget about work until next day morning, pay check end of the month, bills paid and life is a steady wavelength. Where is the excitement guys…where is the joy of seeing life from another angle..where is the life you really wanted…oops.
Yes, I do need to pay bills, and I do need to make a decent living. But I also would want to spend the day doing something that brings me a bit more satisfaction, a bit more joy by the end of it. If I am to help my customers then I should be able to do just that and not say so for the sake of it. So here I am, weighing my options but in the bottom of my heart strongly believing that if I am doing the right thing, the universe will strive to making things happen the right way for the right reasons. Being a big fan of movies I take a lot of inspiration from many, I would prefer happy endings like all and some endings linger on longer in my mind as I try to interpret the plot. There is always a moral and Avatar, James Cameron’s infamous success story, is what comes to my mind currently. The final battle was bringing down the Na’vi but unexpectadly the Pandora wildlife springs into support and the turn of events changed dramatically. Neytri interprets this as Eywa’s answer to Jake’s prayer the previous night. Now, anyone feeling like watching the movie please do so coz I do not plan on putting up the story now.
So here’s to me signing off now, only to promise you that I will soon be back with some more interesting posts sooner and more regularly. And I promise to strive to be happy, so people around me are happy too.